Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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