EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
