On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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