3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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