Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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