We're like a lot better than the average bears
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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