I think my vagina is haunted
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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