I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
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Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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