He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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