Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
