Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
