I accidentally had phone sex last night
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
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He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
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Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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