is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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