Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
