I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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