just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
