The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm like, not good at living.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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