If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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