And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
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So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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