I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
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I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
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I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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