If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
