3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
too bad you live with your parents still
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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