Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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