Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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