I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
