when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
