i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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