Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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