Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
