Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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