WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
