Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
