did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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