When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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