My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
