Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Randomize
