Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
