they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
