be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
