I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
