she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
