I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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