I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
