Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Randomize
