first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
