new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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