btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
