Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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