How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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