Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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