Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Buhtt sex?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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