A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
