ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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