dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
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I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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