I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
