Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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