I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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