Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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