My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
