so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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