You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
