I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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