I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
