I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
