If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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