In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
