ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
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Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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