you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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