I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
