wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
