Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
