You were right. It hurts to walk today.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
